Our Goal: To
re-write the PGA rules of golf to equalize the noble game for all
players. Low score challenged players often don't have the opportunity to practice
or even play as much as better players.
Nevertheless, challenged players
can't help feeling bad when they hit bad shots. The PGA handicap
system is supposed to equalize the score but nothing equalizes the
personal pain, hurt feelings and damage to self-esteem.
It's time we stop the tears and replace them
with grateful sniveling.
History
Liberal Golf, as we know it, was conceived in the summer of 2002.
It was a drizzly day in Tacoma, Washington and my group was hitting
balls all over the course. We were on the 13th hole and Steve Smelt
had hit a disturbingly bad tee shot [his fourth mulligan for the
day] nearly clipping the head off a squirrel about 75 yds due right
of the tee box.
The ball ricocheted back, zinging right over my head, causing me to
drop to the ground, spinning out of the way. The ball ended up
behind the tee for negative yardage. The look on Smelt's face face
said it all... he was really embarrassed and his feelings were hurt!
After he saw the smirks on our faces, his feelings were really hurt...
bad!
I put my hands over my mouth to keep from guffawing. I didn't
want to add to his discomfort. Unfortunately, that redirected the
air flow through my nose causing my sinuses to forcibly evacuate onto the
back of my hand. Luckily, Smelt had a towel attached to his bag so I
blew my nose on it.
I felt sorry for Smelt. He was obviously embarrassed but there
was nothing anyone could do to alleviate his pain.
The depressing reality of Smelt's predicament welled up in his
eyes. He wasn't having a crappy day, he was a crappy golfer!
How do you fix that?
Smelt teed up for his second shot and I ran for cover. Even the
squirrels shielded themselves on the other side of the tree
trunk.
Smelt's second tee shot disappeared out of sight over the trees on the
right..
"Don't count it", slipped out of my mouth.
In fact, I said: "Steve, just drop the ball on the fairway and
hit from there". Where the hell did THAT come from?
With the danger past, the squirrels resumed their chuckling and playing
with their nuts. Smelt looked up at them and glared.
Surely, God didn't intend for one of his creatures to go to the golf
course and celebrate all his glory with a crappy, embarrassing day!
In spite of Smelt's problems, I was having a great day! This
was the 13th hole and I had only counted 93 strokes! Not bad
for a semi-employed PI who was about to start a seminar business.
I could see that Smelt resented the fact that I was doing so much better
than he was. I resolved to keep my gloating down to a low roar.
Out of nowhere, the clouds parted, the heavens opened and a beam of light shown down on me illuminating me in the
midst of this grey on grey drizzle. Out of nowhere, a bolt of
lightning flashed with an instantaneous explosion as the million volt
strike blew an 18 inch branch right off the trunk of the old oak tree.
Nearly frozen in fear, I had the presence of mind to reach into my bag
and draw out a one iron...I held it straight up and pointed it at the
sky. I knew I was safe because even GOD can't hit
a one iron!
Another thunderous bolt flashed from the sky...and missed. I
guess those one irons ARE tough to hit.
I was beginning to have a spiritual experience, an
awakening of the soul to a new level consciousness: Then it
happened--God
himself spoke directly to me: "Richard, Celebrate
diversity...celebrate it right here on the golf course! Level the playing field for
everyone! Build self esteem!"
"I have eleven commandments of golf that I want you to carry to my sheep. I
want my flock to feel welcome to play golf, welcome to play with the overly
competitive, the rude and the offensive. Every sheep in my flock
should be able to play. The leper will get a new grip, the blind players
shall get eyes so they can see their balls. Take these eleven commands and use them...use them to make the game fair for everyone".
In a magnanimous tone the voice of God announced RULE #1: " As of
now, you will not count any shots over bogey. Besides, it doesn't
matter what the score is anyway, the real deal is how you feel about the
whole day, not playing against everyone else".
"Here are the other ten....."
I felt damned good! At that exact moment, my heightened sensitivity and expanded generosity poured forth drowning me in
love. Pure, unadulterated love radiated from my eyes, my hair, my
skin. Think about it: No one will ever feel the shame of a
double bogey again. Those with inadequate clubs will be
enhanced. Many good people will come away from this game
feeling good, self-esteem heightened.
"Richard, take these new commands to
the clubhouse and tell everyone that you have spoken to God and these
commands shall be adopted by the PGA or EVERYONE is going to hell"
But God...what if they don't believe me? What if they say tell me
to shut up and quit babbling?
"Richard, would I ask you to do something that you are unable
to do? Take heart, and the heathen will open their hearts.
They will see the light just as you have".
Holy mackerel, what a concept! Eleven Commands! When the PGA
hears about this, they will
open their arms with warmth. From the president down, all will
receive me with open arms and a receptive heart. Rewriting the rules
according to God's Law will be easy!
A new attitude could add greatly to
my personal growth. By being less judgmental and accepting of mediocrity
I could grow to be a better person. What would THAT do for
humanity....HUH, huh? Imagine spreading some of THAT around.
I unconsciously began to babble in tongues...
My mind was reeling at the sheer magnitude of this new insight.
By the time we actually "finished" the hole I had already begun
to see ways to redefine the game. Finally, a sense that the brutal,
capitalistic ritual could actually be fair!. We would level the playing field for everyone,
well, the victims, at least.
It seems so obvious now but I couldn't see it: We shouldn't come out here to have one
in our group feel bad. That didn't seem fair at all. Just because
some of us are good players doesn't mean that our less talented partners
should feel bad by comparison. The flood-gates of my understanding
opened: these USGA rules were definitely too restricting, too
stringent.
Once I tell them I'm on a mission from God, they'll understand. I
couldn't wait to get to the 19th hole to tell all my friends that I've
just had a conversation with God...and there was more to come!
After the game, we all sat in the restaurant and excitedly discussed
how Command #1 would actually make the game kinder and softer and how we should re-write the
rules to reflect that.. We knew that certainly the founding
fathers of golf couldn't have foreseen how the game would evolve into the
vicious, ruthless sport it had become. We were certain that they never
intended to cause harm to the less talented players while the better ones
skipped off to the 19th hole to divide up their winnings.
It was obvious that we needed an "organic" set of rules;
rules that expand and grow with the evolving social requirements. We
needed a sort- of a "New Age" thinking applied to the game.
We needed a new scoring system and, perhaps most importantly, we needed to
establish a structure that celebrated diversity and simultaneously
rewarded players for failure.
We would make adjustments for inconvenient problems out on the course
such as a swing and a miss, or hitting the ball in the water, or
the ball landing in someone's shoe print. Or, simply losing the ball
altogether.
These were issues that had to be addressed and handled
with skill and sensitivity so as not to make it obvious to those less
endowed that we were subsidizing their feelings. We actually had the
power to boost their self-esteem!
© 2006
