Liberal Golf
A Tissue And A Pat On The Head


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 LEVELING THE PLAYING FIELD                                          NO TEARS, NO SNIVELING

Imagine A World Without Hurt Feelings! 
Welcome to Liberal Golf!

In this game, players  go home feeling better than when they started.
   And if they don't... it's YOUR fault! 

For 5 1/2 hours you can "play your heart out".

11/11/09, Orlando, FL

PGA To Change Name

The PGA officially agreed today to change the name of the PGA from the Professional Golf Association to the Progressive Golf Association.  The move came as a surprising concession to the thousands of prominents who have worked tireless to level the playing field for the bottom 80% of golfers who can't break 100 for 9 holes.

"Leveling the playing field has been our dream for years", said Susan Stringsand, a noted entertainer who gave up a promising career as a singer to unofficially go into politics.  Stringsand added that "it's criminal that people play golf and leave the course humiliated and crying"; "I just can't stand it".

 


     
 

 

How many people will join me in   
leveling the playing field?

Hit Counter Our Goal:  To re-write the PGA rules of golf to equalize the noble game for all players.  "We'll level the playing field by taxing the good players"- Barack Obama.  

Nevertheless, challenged players can't help feeling bad when they hit bad shots.  The PGA handicap system is supposed to equalize the score but nothing equalizes the personal pain,  hurt feelings and damage to self-esteem.

It's time we stop the tears and replace them with grateful sniveling.

 History

Liberal Golf, as we know it, was conceived  in the summer of 2002.  It was a drizzly day in Tacoma, Washington and my group was hitting balls all over the course.  We were on the 13th hole and Steve Smelt had hit a disturbingly bad tee shot [his fourth mulligan for the day] nearly clipping the head off a squirrel about 75 yds due right of the tee box. 

The ball ricocheted back, zinging right over my head, causing me to drop to the ground, spinning out of the way.  The ball ended up behind the tee for negative yardage.  The look on Smelt's face face said it all... he was really embarrassed and his feelings were hurt!  After he saw the smirks on our faces, his feelings were really hurt... bad!  

I put my hands over my mouth to keep from guffawing.  I didn't want to add to his discomfort.  Unfortunately, that redirected the air flow through my nose causing my sinuses to forcibly evacuate onto the back of my hand.  Luckily, Smelt had a towel attached to his bag so I blew my nose on it.

I felt sorry for Smelt.  He was obviously embarrassed but there was nothing anyone could do to alleviate his pain.

The depressing reality of Smelt's predicament welled up in his eyes.  He wasn't having a crappy day, he was a crappy golfer!  How do you fix that?  

Smelt teed up for his second shot and I ran for cover.  Even the squirrels shielded themselves on  the other side of the tree trunk. 

Smelt's second tee shot disappeared out of sight over the trees on the right..  

"Don't count it", slipped out of my mouth.  In fact, I said:  "Steve, just drop the ball on the fairway and hit from there".  Where the hell did THAT come from?

With THAT statement, the world of Liberal Golf was born!

With the danger past, the squirrels resumed their chuckling and playing with their nuts.  Smelt looked up at them and glared.

Surely, God didn't intend for one of his creatures to go to the golf course and celebrate all his glory with a crappy, embarrassing day!

It was a stroke of genius. . .on my part. . . LOL!

Out of nowhere, the clouds parted, the heavens opened and a focused beam of light shown down on me illuminating me in the midst of this gray on gray drizzle. Out of nowhere, a bolt of lightning flashed with an instantaneous explosion as the million volt strike blew an 18 inch branch right off the trunk of the old oak tree.

I felt damned good!  At that exact moment, my heightened sensitivity and expanded generosity poured forth drowning me in love.  Pure, unadulterated love radiated from my eyes, my hair, my skin.  Think about it:  No one will ever feel the shame of a double bogey again.  Those with inadequate clubs will be enhanced.  Many good people will come away from this game feeling good, self-esteem heightened.

My mind was reeling at the sheer magnitude of this new insight.  By the time we actually "finished" the hole I had already begun to see ways to fundamentally change the game.  Finally, a sense that by simply imposing change, forcing new rules and allying with known enemies,  the brutal, capitalistic ritual could actually be corrected!.  We would level the playing field for everyone, well, the victims, at least.  

It was obvious that we needed a new set of rules. . . an "organic" set of rules. . . rules that expand and grow with the evolving social requirements.  We needed a sort- of a "New Age" thinking applied to the game.  We needed a new scoring system and, perhaps most importantly, we needed to establish a structure that celebrated diversity and simultaneously rewarded players for failure. 

We would make adjustments for inconvenient problems out on the course such as a swing and a miss, or  hitting the ball in the water, or the ball landing in someone's shoe print.  Or, simply losing the ball altogether.  

These were issues that had to be addressed and handled with skill and sensitivity so as not to make it obvious to those less endowed that we were subsidizing their feelings.  FINALLY, we actually had the power to bring everyone together, in Liberal Golf !

© 2006

 

 

  Not worried about global warming?  Are you crazy? 
The water is ALREADY rising!

           This is our future...Jackson, Wyoming as waterfront property!  
With the polar ice caps melting, the coastlines of the world will be inundated.  
Some non-believers have  commented that the ocean levels haven't risen an inch 
even though the North polar ice cap has totally melted.  
That's just more proof of global warming (climate change).  


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